**New content December 2025: More Than Messy Toolkit**
Many exercises and checklists available now; more content under development
I learned far too late in life what I am: an adult child of a hoarder. I’m hoping to reach kids and young adults in similar situations so that you have a name for what you’re going through and can change your trajectory earlier than I was able to. I put this site together for those who are just coming to terms with the fact that your house may be…well, more than messy. Nothing here is intended to diagnose anyone or their situation. Rather, I wanted to memorialize some of the information and encouragement that I have received on my own journey to understanding. Each of us is on a journey. We’re just at different mile markers.
My Story
I didn’t realize it until a while after my parents got divorced. We lived with my mom. She was sad. My dad was also sad, but in another house. When we moved into a smaller house, no one ever cleaned it. No one taught us how. It got worse each week. I was in the 7th or 8th grade when I started having to “watch” my sister and brother after school. Mostly, that consisted of watching tv and making sure the house didn’t burn down.
After a couple of years, it was so messy that I couldn’t have friends over without feeling embarrassed. “My house is messy too, I don’t care!” they would say. Little did they know how wrong they were. We had roaches. Big ones. My bedroom had fleas. So many fleas I had to run to my bed. Sometimes they were in my bed, because my dog liked to sleep with me. I didn’t know what to do, but I had read about putting a pan of water on the floor so the fleas would jump in and drown. And they did. But they were everywhere, so a tiny pan in the middle of the room didn’t do anything to get rid of them.
A bathroom project got started, but no one ever finished it. We had a bare plywood floor, and plywood all around the bathtub. For years. Because there were open areas that weren’t sealed with tile, no one could take a shower. It got wet almost every day, and then it got moldy.
Enough people came to our front door, which was glass, that word must have gotten out about “the mess.” One day, when I was in about the tenth grade, a girl who was super popular and had been a good friend when we were younger, stopped by with her older sister and a friend. They asked to come in and use the bathroom. I was mortified. I didn’t know how to say no. So I didn’t. But I knew why they had come. They had never come before. It was reconnaissance. They wanted to see if what they’d heard was true, and it worked. They saw the mess. They saw the bathroom. They never came back. Forty years later, I’m still haunted by who they probably told. I was so ashamed.
My Resolve and Healing
Between this experience and other money-related situations I felt shame about, I made a promise to no one in particular that once I got out, I would never go back, and I would never be dependent on anyone financially ever again. And I haven’t.
But, I kept the secret of the hoard for way too long, and it became very heavy. I didn’t want people to judge my hoarder or to judge me for what they perceived to be “not helping clean up.” Through therapy and support groups, I learned how to set boundaries. I learned that no contact was the right thing for me, and I have felt so much healthier since. Is it hard? Absolutely. Is it guilt-inducing? Every day. But it was still the right thing to do for me and the people I live with.
My Purpose
I’ve been trying to figure out how to help those of you who are still struggling. So much of the information I came across in my own search was written with the hoarder as the intended audience. My solution was to create a space that contains information and links to sites that helped me, because I searched and read and talked and cried and stressed and cleaned and figured it out by myself.
This web site gathers all those things. It is intended to raise awareness about living spaces that are “more than messy.” It’s intended to serve as a starting point of information once you come to terms with your situation. It’s intended to spark your own further research, based on your own circumstances. If there are other resources you’d find helpful, you can let me know using the form below. (The fields are not mandatory, but if you don’t add your email, I won’t have any way to respond if you have questions.) Please understand that I am not able to provide advice or get involved in personal situations.
So, if you have a home that makes you feel ashamed, you’ve come to the right place. And hopefully, you’ll find some help. At the very least, you’ll know you’re not alone.
